(Nearly) The Most Boring Blog Post In The World

Since this is my first blog post, I think I should start off on a truthful note. The truth is, I only just started this website. I was so busy picking a theme and figuring out how to make the blog part look pretty that I forgot to come up with any actual posts for it.

This meant that up until now, there was a generic, automatic post about how to write a post sitting in my blog. That irked me. Kinda like when I open a library book and find the page corners dog-eared. I always want to take an iron or something and straighten out the freakin’ things until they match the flatness of the rest of the freakin’ page- but since I know that probably won’t have the results I want, I just have to suffer. Anyways, not liking the way the sample post looks on the website doesn’t change the fact that I really don’t have any material to replace it with at the moment.

That old adage about “play to your strengths” comes to mind. So rather than trying to make this post more interesting, I’m going to go the opposite direction and see just how boring I can make it. Interesting stuff will come later. But for now, you are reading what I hope will become: The Most Boring Blog Post in the World.

This blog post will be so uninspired, it will lead to innovations in how to create and sustain boredom. Everyone who tries to read it will be so disinterested that some of them will even come up with brilliant new ideas. You know, sort of like how the brain generates ideas when you take a shower; when you perform a task by rote, your mind is clear for fresh thoughts.

Torpid waiting rooms around the world will pale in comparison to this blog post. Fast Co. magazine will write front-page stories about how this post has revolutionized tedium. The Webby Awards will have to create a new category for Most Unexciting Blog of the Year, just to pay proper tribute to it. It’s going to be so terrifically dull that it will be secretly co-opted by the United Nations to create world peace by spreading lethargic monotony across the planet.

Boredom will spread throughout the world like SkyNet technology in the “Terminator” movies. Our minds will be flattened out like limp, leftover pancakes being re-heated with an skillet and spatula. We’ll all be so bored that we’ll either stop thinking altogether, or we’ll come up with the greatest “shower” ideas ever known to human history.

Wait… that’s a bit dangerous, isn’t it? Hm… maybe I should just quit while I’m ahead. I hope you enjoyed the levels of boredom we’ve managed to reach here. I’m going to go watch paint dry while I think of something more interesting for my next post.